An even Dozen

Well I’m sitting here getting the goods and I’m not too happy…...my PSA didn’t move….it’s still 61…but the scans were good…...my lymph nodes have all gone to back to normal size except one persistent one and it’s gone down significantly. Doc always said the scans are more important….so I’m good……..just have to stay the course which I guess means there is a number 13 in my future.

It’s another light day in the ole chemo room…..still haven’t figured out if that is good news or bad…where did they all go?

One of the more challenging aspects of this process is to keep your head on straight, your priorities in order and not let it be all consuming.

People always want to offer me their chair…sometimes it can be a welcome offer but most times I just want to stand up…I have a stand up desk with my computer on it at the office….it keeps you from getting chair butt!

Back to my point…..of course everyone you know is going to dote over you when they see you but it doesn’t mean you’re a Rock Star!
It’s sympathy and maybe admiration....I guess you just have to recognize it as that. Once this is all over I’m thinking the fan club will go away…thank God!...signing autographs and going on tours has been time consuming. ;>)

One the symptoms of this type of chemo is a constant numbness in my fingers and feet. This is the symptom that derails most participants, their fingers get so numb that they can’t function and eventually can’t walk. My fingers are a little numb but so far it has not been debilitating…I just drop my keys and anything else in my hand more often…I used to drop them all the time anyway so no big deal.

It’s my finger nails that I have the most issue with….seems as if they would hurt (they don’t) but they look like a birth defect!! They look old and cracked and there is a new (but ugly) nail growing out from under what used to be my normal nails. My normal nails are thus pushed up and actually started to curl they look like…..monkey fingers!!……….you really have to see them to appreciate how nasty they look, so sexy too……..I’ve never had a manicure before and fear that if I walked in for one now it would simply scare the hell out the manicurist!

My feet are different….my toenails just fell off, no fuss no muss, just fell off….the foot issue as I’ve described before is like walking over a piece of Rebar (1/2 inch iron bar used for support in building). It gets’ worse depending on where I am in the cycle but with good shoes (my Topsiders seem to be the best) and Tylenol, it's not much of an issue….no shoes or Tylenol and I walk like a duck!

I’ve mentioned on several previous Posts how much of a life changer this has all been and there have been some that are skeptical and say “well how much can you change in 8 months” well……..IT’S BEEN A LITTLE INTENSE OK!!!!!!!

My whole thought process has changed and as I’ve said before…I like who I have become…….Hey! It’s not like I was Charlie Manson before!......When you are in the position of being alone a lot while you silently fight for your life it gives you ample time for deep reflection….sometimes I feel as if I’m standing on the sidelines watching this poor schlep go through this and then realize…….whoops!...It’s me!

I can’t wait to be able to eat normally…I’ll never take food for granted again…there are a lot of foods out there that I will probably never eat again (shrimp)…..What I call the “Scary Book” (a very poor attempt to outline the rules to abide by when in chemo) says that you should avoid your very favorite foods for just that reason……….You don’t ever want it again!

Here’s something you don’t often think about….Most of my eye lashes have fallen out! Unless you are one of those that have lashes that actually enhance your appearance (mine don't) you probably don’t give eyelashes a 2nd thought but let me tell you….they protect your eyes! I’ve had more crap fly in my eyes and if I’m somewhere that has a ceiling fan my eyes dry up like I’m in a wind storm.

I asked a few professionals about it and they all wanted to attach some type of extensions to the lashes I have left…for a hefty fee.
I’m thinking I'll go to a beauty supply and get some stick ons. Not for the aesthetic aspect but for the protection. I'll need to get them trimmed….I don’t want to look like Bambi

This was a long one I know but they pump you full of steroids on treatment day.....I'm thinking about trying out for the Majors!

Keep that Spiritual energy and Prayer coming! Bob