BFTD # 24

I didn’t mention in my last post that I was getting treated so a lot of folks didn’t know I was going into the dreaded NADIR weekend….just as well……cause now I’m back!


I’m not sure I’m completely back from the abysses yet but I’m on the road to recovery. Ya know I was told that the clinical trial drug had no real side effects, .......Well…based on the nasty effects I’ve NOT experienced these past 2 times….I think the clinical trial was one of the main culprits of how bad I felt…..especially my mouth and sinuses!!!!!


No NADIR is good ….but this one wasn’t as bad……..The newly found and now unobstructed hole between my gum and my sinus seems to be healing on its own…I hope, I hope! And there’s no real pain!….It makes for a whole new breathing experience and allows (or forces) me to make sounds I never was never able to make before……..I’m practicing bird calls ....and by the end of the month I should be able to whistle Dixie though my nose!


I’m always asked “how does NADIR feel?” Well………it’s always similar but never the same. It’s very difficult to describe……..Hung over with the flu is pretty close.


Fortunately for me I don’t seem to have as much physical pain as some folks…….I get “Hoof & Mouth” and more bone pain than I used to but....

Other than that it is more of an overall weak and uncomfortable feeling…flu like aches.....and you’re in a sorta fog…….kinda reminds me of the magical mystery tour in spring of ’68....the year when we all came alive….….(it's also the  year I can't remember April or May)……There is slow motioness to the experience, walking across the room seems to take forever….but remarkably time itself seems to go rather quickly……I’ll look at the clock at 10:00 AM and it seems just 15 minutes later it’s 3:00 PM. Time Warp! It does make the weekend go faster.


No taste or bad taste in your mouth……… Not having any taste is annoying.…you simply chew to get the food down….and since you have no appetite you have no desire to eat……it’s a little creepy.


That back bridge falling out last time was a lucky stroke! I think it was causing most of the infection in my sinus.


A large majority of my earlier posts had to do with food, what tasted good, or didn’t…..or just tasted, what burned and the creative ways I would have to invent in order to get the nutrients I needed.


So much of this is in the mind! Sometimes I’ll sneak up on the food….in other words…I just don’t think about it and then just go to it real fast…prepare it and suck it down before I have a chance to talk myself out of it!


I can really see how someone suffering from anorexia or other food disorders can let their mind overcome their common sense when it comes to food…..its powerful! I can see that!


I’ve said so many times that I love a good meal, the food, the ambience, the wine and with good friends…..but I don’t live for it!
So all I’m doing now is force feeding and maintenance eating……and I’m OK with that…hell if I were a GI n Iraq I would be eating MREs……..same tactic different battle!......I wish it weren’t this way but if I had been a real gourmet’ think how bad it would be!!!


Keep the Spiritual Thoughts and Prayers coming!....I intend to win. B.