Life From Here # 35

Well....I’m probably going to be starting chemo again some time in mid October.  Say it ain't so Sam...but it is.

The weeks and days before my first chemo treatment in December of 2009 were pretty scary….I kept feeling I was drifting into a black hole because I had no idea what this was going to be like, hell, I made additions to my will up to the day before I started! I sent a very good friend an email expressing my………CONCERNS!

He emailed back that maybe the secret is that the chemo is a way of going around the black hole. I found peace in that….still looked pretty damn black to me…..but more peaceful I guess.  (Thanks again Steve)

Anyway, I suspect that if my numbers are up which; realistically, is likely, (not pessimism, just reality) then I’m going to have to march my ass in to the chemo room and start again.

Like childbirth I don’t really remember how bad it is (pregnant, worst flu and worst hangover you’ve ever had all at the same time seems to cover it) but I know this…..that this time I’ll be prepared for it with the right food, the medications and all those things that I’ve learned (as most do…the hard way) that you need to keep yourself comfortable.

I hope this doesn’t sound sicko but it’s the chemo that makes you feel bad, not the cancer. So putting up with the discomfort is just part of my job as a combatant in this war....As I’ve too often said…..I’m not in this to tie!

When I first got in to the business of fighting to keep a virus from eating my body from the inside out, I learned something interesting from my Oncologist….in our very first meeting he told me the facts of life in Oncology.

Before I go on; I wouldn’t want anyone other than my Doctor! He’s the Best! But he told me flat out that he doesn’t make money on office visits, that he makes money selling me drugs (i.e. chemo). He pushed and I resisted going on chemo until the pain made it evident that something needed to be done (fact is I should have started sooner).

Well now.…when I look back it’s dawned on me that this guy has a financial interest in my Health! Doesn’t that seem like good thing?

I’ve mentioned before that the chemo, Taxotere and all the drugs I had to take with it ended up being around $17,000. PER TREATMENT! gross………Now stay with me on this……I set a record for the number of consecutive Taxotere treatments at 17 and 9 more after that of one form or the other.

Hell, I could have died after the 1st or 2nd treatment! Where would he be then?.......So I’m a valuable and proven commodity for him; it pays to keep me alive! It’s kinda like……you take really good care of your best Laying Hen……...So I’m encouraged!

I tolerate this stuff better than most…..so if I’m as tolerant on the Jevtana as I was on the Taxotere then I’m good for another 17-18 treatments….he could make a Bloody fortune on me…again! Maybe I should get a percentage? The Joker said in The Dark Knight “if you’re good at something…never do it for free!”..….Nah, let him make all the insurance money he can make….. I like it when everybody has skin in the game! JUST KEEP ME VERTICAL!

Pennies and Dimes….they’re really small. My finger tips have been numb for two years. I can pick up quarters of course; and nickels are easy………but pennies and dimes are an issue. And it’s frustrating! They’re on the floor everywhere! I usually sweep them up into a dust pan and dump them into a change bowl....Hey it adds up!

I go back to the Doctor October 11th. If the Jevtana is the same as the Taxotere then NADIR, the worst 3 days of the 3 week process will begin the weekend right after the Tuesday treatment. So….if I walk in and get treated on the 11th I will be in NADIR over Thanksgiving. If I wait a week till the 18th I’ll be in NADIR over Christmas…..aren’t scheduling issues a bitch?

I ran across an old Billy Crystal quote; he said “Women need a reason to have sex…..Men just need a place”.

I’ll be back in touch.

Thank you for the Prayers and Spiritual Energy, please keep it up and I promise not to disappoint you!   Bob