Well I’m sitting here “Getting’ some of the Goods”. My PSA has dropped to 26 from 31 but still I have made the decision, with the blessing of my Doctor, to stop the chemo therapy. I will continue on with the clinical trial, which is also intravenous, and see what happens.
It was my call and not an easy one; I went to the beach to reflect…..one of my back teeth fell out…it didn’t break…..it wasn’t loose…the damn thing just fell out! That’s the 3rd one since this started, I can hear the banjos and pig squeals as we speak….That helped in my decision plus...I got to put it under my pillow!
This was a big decision and one I didn’t take lightly.
To explain: It has dawned on me that slowly but surely the number of days in the month that are even half of my former normal have dwindled to about 5 days.
I Hope all of you that have followed this Blog know I’m not a complainer…. but there are symptoms that are a result of the therapy that have never made it to the Blog but to help you understand why I made the life and death decision that I have I’ve decided to share some of the uglier side:
My mouth is constantly sensitive.....Ketchup makes it burn. Most wines as well but I always follow with water....gotta have the wine.
My every morning consist of hobbling to the couch where I already have my trusty Topsiders, Tylenol and glass of water, I take 3 and wait for the effect to take place so I can walk…I make coffee most mornings and eat whatever I can get down my throat…mini cupcakes seem to work well for some reason…anything in my stomach helps ‘cause I have other drugs to take. Usually the rest of my day will loosely revolve around planning something I can eat….sometimes it’s eating out but very often it’s going home because I know there’s food there.
In week two of the 3 week cycle, pads form on my finger tips that are smooth as wax…not a good time to give me an expensive wine glass…..in week three, they start to peel off…doesn’t hurt too bad but is so irritating that I carry around nail clippers to cut off the pieces of skin from my fingers….it also effects my ability to use my iPhone.
My sinuses have been a constant issue, now with the new twist that if I blow my nose (and I always have to, to relieve the pressure) my nose has started bleeding…5-6 minutes to wait for that to stop and of course my nose is always running (a very sexy look)……I have absolutely no energy…I have to use a knife to open a cup of yogurt….I sit in the living room and think I need to this or do that…then I stand up….and most times I just sit back down.
Without being too graphic (or embarrassed)……..have you ever had constipation and diarrhea at the same time? I get it at least 1 or 2 times each month…….You have that gut ache and gotta go, gotta go, gotta go….but nothing!.....then finally something….sounds like a covey of quail taking off!
And since my business is "eat what you kill"...I have to get back in the hunt or I'll be living under a bridge!
Please don’t read the above as “poor me”, I’ve said many times I wish it weren’t…but I guess it has to be somebody. I just want those who have encouraged me to continue on to understand the other than obvious reasons I’m taking this chance. I just need a break!
Anyway, there have been many factors that have led me to this point, I will keep you all informed as before ‘cause I have go every 3 weeks for the clinical trial drug and since it is not a chemo therapy there are no real side effects….so the scary book says…we’ll see.
Sorry this was so long. Please keep the Spiritual Energy and Prayers coming. Bob
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