Mid Term Update--November, 2011

In my last post I said that I had been fighting the beast for 11 years. It’s actually been 13 years! I was first diagnosed and operated on in late November, 1998. So this November will be 13 years…right? I can work cash flow projections for a multi-tenant office building but sometimes can’t seem to grasp simple arithmetic. Just wanted to set the record straight….what difference does it make….really?

I don’t usually post midterms…most of the time I have no new news and don’t really now, but I’m asked by every one how I feel. So here’s the scoop!

I posted “Back From The Abyss….Again” this past Sunday. I should have waited. The discomfort seemed to last till Wednesday. I’m pretty sure a good bit of that was my lack of eating properly. I had lulled myself into believing I could eat whatever…….WRONG Chemo-sabe!

There are certain foods that I know I can always eat (or have in the past) and I didn’t have myself as well stocked as I should have been. I paid the price: extreme fatigue, short naps and an overall yucky feeling.…all food related, I’m sure. We have met the enemy and it is us!
It won’t happen again!

Next Tuesday (15th) is a big day for me. I have no reason to believe that the new chemo is not going to work, I’ve already felt the bone pain subside….somewhat, but if it doesn’t work………they’re talking experimental this and experimental that…..and clinical trials at Duke!…..I think I would hear the Bahamas calling me if that’s the case. Like I said, I don’t expect that……but I’ll have my fingers crossed.

Am I the only one that doesn’t have a structured settlement or annuity?
I keep seeing elaborate commercials on TV that if I have one and want cash now to call……at a net present value of 40%…I would guess.

A year or so ago I mentioned a paper, book…something, called “Necessary Losses”. I’ve lost a lot during this little adventure….and I recently lost another important “thing”.

If we lose a “thing” we love, it hurts…..Not quite as bad as losing the family dog……but it still hurts. The realization I came to 2 years ago is that it’s really hard to justify mourning over something you love that can’t love you back.  I like nice things and possessions as much as the next guy but I guess when you’re “Here” it isn’t as big a deal….But Damn!…….It still hurts!

Ya know, I think, more than I should, about what my life would have been if it weren’t for the virus….Somehow, I’m not so sure it would have been as fulfilling….a little longer maybe :>)…..but not as fulfilling. I seem to have touched a lot of lives that I wouldn’t have touched if it had not been for my experience and the fact that I’ve shared it on the Internet!

A dear friend of mine and I were chatting about the beast in general and that some peoples’ body just gives up……starts to shut down, and YOU ARE DONE! And that some peoples’ mental attitude shuts down…and YOU ARE DONE!

I firmly believe that losing your mental attitude is what makes your body shut down. I’ve said this before…..the thought of giving up is laughable!…why would anybody want to do that?

I fell down last week…it wasn’t a bad fall…….it was a miscalculation of the sidewalk….anyway, unhurt, I still sprawled…it was my dignity more than anything else….and made worse because it was right in front of the store I was entering “Total Wine”! Well it was one of those things that you have to try to see the humor in as soon as possible…and I did….I laid there and laughed, a couple of people stared (as they walked by) then I picked myself up so I could go in and buy some WINE!

Speaking of vino, A husband and wife were sitting on the porch drinking a glass of wine when the wife said “I love you”….and the husband said “is that you talking or the wine?” to which she said “It was me talking to the wine”. Doesn’t that sound kinda true?

Thank you for the Hope, Prayers and Spiritual Energy, I’ll be back in touch. Bob