As I sit here in the chemo room (or as they call it The Infusion Area) I know that any one in here would take injections of pig blood and pond scum if it would help….The bureaucracy is such a hindrance to finding an effective cure. I wonder if you can get Aflibersete on the street? The street name would probably be “Fliber”…….I can see me now meeting some guy in a dark alley and saying “Hey man I’m here for a Fliber fix!" ..........Oh Boy!
Bone pain is weird. It’s kinda like when you’ve walked longer than you’re used to and that night your legs ache….they don’t really hurt…they just ache…most of my discomfort is in my back and ribs, where the biggest tumors are. Then there is what I call a “stabber”…..a sharp pain anywhere in your skeletal body. They last about 45-60 seconds on average. I once had a stabber in my little toe….had to tear off my shoe to try to massage it away (which doesn’t work by the way)….problem was I was in a bank lobby at the time.....I’m sure it’s not true….but I keep envisioning that the same guy or couple has seen me walk (fall) in to bushes, outside a restaurant, sprawled at Total Wine, or tearing at my own bare foot at the bank….…I was sober as a judge each time…….So it goes.
Since this experience began, food has always been my personal challenge…..and right now, it shouldn’t be! Last year at this time any food tasted horrible, I had sores in my mouth, thrush, my whole mouth was sore…..even catsup burned my tongue.…I had to water down my wine for God’s sake….can you imagine!
None of that is going on now…my taste will probably never be the same, but it’s better than walking around all the time feeling like you just ate a cow turd!
Most of you just had Thanksgiving dinner….did you feel like eating a Big Mac & Fries right after? That’s how it feels…but in my case (and others I’m sure) your stomach and whole body scream “I’m HUNGRY!” So…even though you feel as if you just had Thanksgiving dinner….you force- feed yourself….with whatever doesn’t make you gag…..OK, violins, I’ll stop.....I was venting, which is a way of complaining, where you don’t want or need anyone to help.........just to listen….a lesson many of the boyfriends and husbands I know, should know….I was brutally taught this early on, guys…..trust me on this one.
So HERE is where we are. The first Jevtana treatment, my PSA went up. The second treatment, it went down.......Sooooo, I guess I wait for the 3rd. If it’s going up, I’m changing to Taxotere. As before said…Same War, Different Sword.
The bottom line is that even though I’ve seemed to have a complete change of lifestyle and Life…..I feel pretty Good! I’m fighting a few alligators on other fronts, but I’m confident those things will work out. I can’t treat this disease as a minor inconvenience like I did prior to 2 years ago. It’s got my attention I have to hit it back….and hard!....So I’m now in the primary business of staying vertical.
The new Life From Here could be so much worse…..being in the chemo room you see so much pain and misery….but you also see hope and lots of it. Other than the beast, I’m healthy! And I have the resources mentally and physically to win, not lose, not tie, but win!........And I’ll dance on the grave of anyone that says “That’s what they all say”. You watch my Smoke!
Every time I post on this Blog, or Journal, as I call it…..I feel the Spiritual Energy and Prayers that are sent my way…..I mean…..I really feel it! I send Energy and Prayer as well…to myself and to you….Open up…and you’ll feel it back, a reflection of what I receive….it’s wonderful! Thank you, Bob
Bobby,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your Journal
Go get em Sparticus. We are all behind you
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